HARLEY OWNER JOKES
Q: What do you call a Harley that doesn't leak oil?
A: Empty!
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A biker and his girl were going to apply for a loan to buy a new mobile home.. they showed up together and the loans manager was in a bit of a bind. They both had long hair, tattoos, wore black leather, sunglasses, head bands. he didn't know which one was male and which one was female. Trying to sort out his dilemma in a discrete way he asked,
"Which one of you has the menstrual cycle?"
The biker piped up ... "It must be her, I ride a Harley."
- Submitted by James
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Q: What do you call ten Harley owners lined up ear to ear?
A: Wind tunnel.
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Two Harley owners were riding through the back woods two lanes when they came across a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence. The first Harley owner pulls his chopper over, parks it, gets off, walks up to the sheep, pulls down his pants & does the sheep to the tune of a lot of grunting and bleating.
Then he turns to his buddy and said, "Ok it's your turn now."
So his buddy sticks his head in the fence.
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Q. Why don't Harley owning women like to use vibrators?
A: It chips their teeth.
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Q: You knew that Harley Davidson supplied the US Army with motorcycles but did you know that they also built land mine detectors back during World War II?
A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.
A2: Start backing up and waving the detector in front of you.
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A guy who always wanted to own a Harley wins a brand new Fatboy in a contest. He rides around all the time, gunning his throttle, rattling windows and waving at all the other jealous rednecks in the trailer park. One day the other jealous rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt road and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass."
They go back over to their tool boxes on their pickup trucks, take out hammers and start busting up his new Fatboy. They look back and he is smiling. They hit the Harley some more, and he is laughing. They walk over to him and ask
"Why are you laughing? We just busted up your new ride, man!"
He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."
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Did you hear about the terrible automobile accident last night? A Harley owner on vacation drowned when the pickup truck he was hauling his Harley around in ran off the road into a lake and sank to the bottom. The passenger says that he got out okay but the driver died trying to get his Harley out of the back of the pickup ... he drowned trying to get the tailgate open.
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Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Milwaukee?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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Q: Why did the Harley owner cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
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Q: How do you get a one-armed Harley owner out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
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Did you hear about the theory of evolution and the jump from ape to man, only Harley owners didn't jump far enough...?
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Two Harley owners were riding through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went back home.
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These two Harley owners rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?" The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow." The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"
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Did you hear in the news that a two seater Cessna recently crashed in a cemetery in Milwaukee? Local officials report that they have so far retrieved 2000 bodies from the crash site and are calling it the greatest air disaster in the city's history.
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A Honda owner is riding along with a Harley owner as his passenger when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal may not be working. He asks the Harley owner if he doesn't mind stepping off of the bike to check the lights while he tests them. The Harley owner steps off and stands in front of the Honda. The Honda rider turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Harley owner responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
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This Harley owner came home one day from work, hung up his leathers, took off his half helmet and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the bedside end table, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing.
"Don't laugh!" he tells her. "You're next!"
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Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Harley owner wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN mechanic’s shirt.
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Q: How do you stop a Harley owner on horseback?
A: Unplug the carousel.
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A Harley owner saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?"
The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"
The Harley owner scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"
Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"
To which the Harley owner replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"
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A Harley owner went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the Harley owner, "my neighbor moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
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Q: Did you hear about the latest officially licensed and endorsed Harley Davidson product?
A: It's a solar-powered flashlight.
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A traveling salesman has an audience with the head of a major business and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke... "Have you heard the one about the two Harley Davidson owners?"
"But I _am_ a Harley owner." the business owner says angrily.
There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ...
"That's OK, sir, I'll tell you it slowly."
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Q: How many Harley owners does it take to change a light bulb?\
A1: 3. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.
A2: 1001. One to hold the bulb and the other 1000 to spin the house.
A3: Change a light bulb? Ha! That's what customer service is for!
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A Harley owner wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Harley owner to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Harley owner understood and was ready. The time came to have the Harley owner jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Harley owner that he would be right behind him. The Harley owner proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Harley owner. The Harley owner seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
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Q: What do you do if a Hell's Angel throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.
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Q: What do you do if a Hell's Angel throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
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A Harley owner rides up to a whore house one Saturday night looking for some fun. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Harley owner she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Harley owner comes out in five minutes. "How was it?", says the Madam. "I don't know," says the Harley owner, "I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window!"
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Q: How do you know if a Harley owner has been using a computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.
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Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner who wanted to be buried at sea after he died?
A: Five other Harley owners drowned digging his grave.
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A Harley owner was walking back to the trailer park, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some beer in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many beers you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The Harley owner says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many beers I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
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Did you hear about the tragedy in Milwaukee?
In Milwaukee's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.
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Did you hear about the Harley owner that froze to death outside a drive-in theater? He was waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."
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Q: How do you know when you're flying over Milwaukee?
A: You can spot the toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
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Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner who married an Amish woman?
A: He drove her buggy.
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Q: Did you know that Milwaukee just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to use them against the terrorists.
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THE OFFICIAL HARLEY OWNER SEX QUIZ
Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the the appropriate heading on the right side.
TRUE FALSE
1. A clitoris is a type of flower. True / False
2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True / False
3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. True / False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. True / False
5. Menstrual cycle has two (2) wheels. True / False
6. A G-string is part of a violin. True / False
7. Semen is another word for "sailor". True / False
8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". True / False
9. Testicles are found on an octopus. True / False
10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. True / False
11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True / False
12. KOTEX is a radio station in downtown Milwaukee. True / False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True / False
14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". True / False
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True / False
16. A condom is an apartment complex. True / False
17. An organism is the person who accompanies the choir in church. True / False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True / False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True / False
20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new government officials. True / False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True / False
22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. True / False
23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. True / False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. True / False
25. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve" True / False
26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. True / False
27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. True / False
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Following the brutal assault of a young woman, the police rounded up the usual suspects for a lineup; suddenly, the Harley owning suspect stepped forward and screamed "That's her!!"
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Q: How do you get a Harley owner out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap and get out of the way.
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These two Harley owners are building a garage to keep their bikes in. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the garage!"
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Q: What are the two biggest Harley owner lies?
A: The check's in your mouth, and I won't come in the mail.
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Harley owner knock-knock joke:
First Harley owner: Knock-Knock!
Second Harley owner: Come in!
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A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "85." So the robot started talking about NASCAR, wrestling, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "50." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Milwaukee these days?"
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A Honda rider walks into a bar, sits downs and starts to make conversation with the biker at the bar. "Want to hear a Harley Joke?"
The second guy says "Sure, but before you tell it, let me tell you something. See those two bikers over there by the door-real mean motherfuckers-??? They're Harley owners. And those two bouncers by the bar? They're Harley owner too! The Bartender? He’s a Harley owner!! And one more thing pal, I'm Harley owner too!!! Now..... still want to tell that joke?"
"Hell no!", replies the Honda rider, "I don't want to have to explain it 6 times!"
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Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner that locked his keys in his car?
A1: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
A2: He had to spend $50 to get a locksmith to help him get his family out.
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Q: Why do Harley owner dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.
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Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner who studied for 5 days?
A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.
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Q: How do you confuse a Harley owner?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.
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Q: How do you keep a Harley owner in suspense?
A: (silence)
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Q: Why are there no ice cubes in Milwaukee?
A: They forgot the recipe.
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Q: What happens when a Harley owner doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.
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Q: How do you ruin a Harley owners party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
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Q: Why did they close down the Milwaukee public library?
A: Someone stole the coloring book.
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A Harley owner was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued. His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 cents?" asked one of the muggers incredulously.
"Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Harley owner. "I thought you were after the $400 in my left boot!"
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Q: Why did the Harley owner couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
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Q: What did the Harley owner say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"
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A Harley owner is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred trees for you in one day."
So the Harley owner takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two trees, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two trees?", the Harley owner asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", the Harley owner tells himself.
So, the next morning the Harley owner gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and he only manages to cut five trees down. The Harley owner is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut a hundred trees in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer", the Harley owner says to himself.
The very next day the Harley owner brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Harley owner's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Huh, it looks fine." Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the Harley owner responds, "Why is it making that noise?"
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Q: Why did the Harley owner sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.
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Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Harley owner is there?
A: He's the one with a duck.
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Q: Knock, Knock?
Q: Who's there?
A: Harley owning burglar.
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Q: Why did the Harley owner put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
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Did you hear about the Milwaukee girl who tried to trade her menstrual cycle in on a Harley?
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A 12-year-old boy comes up to the Harley owner and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw your wife giving you a blow job. Nyah, nyah, nyah."
The Harley owner answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny. Nyah, nyah, nyah--I wasn't even home last night."
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Q: What does it say on the bottom of a beer bottle in Milwaukee?
A: Open other end.
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Did you know that on the top of all ladders at the Harley Davidson manufacturing plant they have a STOP sign?
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This Harley owner gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, "Bubba, you big dummy! You're supposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!"
Even more confused, he went and got his bowling ball then put it in the sink.
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Two Harley owners are riding across America on a 727, a 3-engined plane, when the pilot announces, "Folks, we just had one engine go out, but don't worry, this plane can fly just fine on two engines, but we're going to be about 1 hour late getting into Dallas."
An hour later, the pilot gets on the intercom again, "Folks, don't get alarmed, but a second engine just went out, but please don't worry. This plane is designed to fly safely on one engine, but now we'll be about 2 hours late getting into Dallas."
After that announcement, one Harley owner looks at the other and says, "Well, I sure hope that third engine doesn't go out. We'll be up here all night."
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Did you hear about the Harley owner who heard on the radio that 90 percent of all accidents happen within a 10-mile radius of the home? He moved.
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Q: How do you break a Harley owner's finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
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Q: How do you break a Harley owner’s finger?
A: Kick him in the ass.
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Q: What's the smallest room in the world?
A: The Harley Davidson Hall of Fame.
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Q: Have you seen the new Harley Davidson handkerchef?
A: (take a pen, draw a big "HD" on the bottom of your fingertip, then hold it up to show it.)
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Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner who lost $50 on the football game?
A: $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
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Q: Why don't Harley owners breast-feed their babies?
A: It hurts too much when they boil the nipples.
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Q: Why do Harley owners make lousy lovers?
A: Because they always wait for the swelling to go down.
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Q: What do you call a Harley owner with 10 girl friends?
A: A shepherd.
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In New York, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?"
In Milwaukee, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?"
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